Resilience in Children – 6 Exercises for Strong Children

Do you sometimes wish that your child could experience a completely carefree and fear-free childhood? No bullying on the playground. No homesickness on school trips. No broken friendships. And certainly no elbowing in this competitive world. 

Even though a life without adversity sounds tempting, setbacks and defeats are by no means the worst thing that can happen to your child. Even more problematic than playground troubles, bad grades, and the fear of the swimming pool would be if your child never experienced any problems at all. After all, without challenges, there can be no (mental) growth. And what do parents want more than a child who grows and develops?

You can't forbid the wind, but you can build windmills.

– Dutch proverb

With the following six exercises, you show your child how to turn headwinds into energy and develop into a strong and self-determined person.

WHAT IS RESILIENCE AND HOW CAN IT BE PROMOTED? 

Resilience is often equated with toughness in everyday language. If you throw a waterproof watch into a fountain, it will still be intact afterwards. In psychology, however, resilience means much more than "functional, even under difficult conditions". Here, resilience means successfully coping with a critical situation. This means that not only was a crisis averted, but the person even grew from the challenge, learned something from it, and will now be better able to cope with future difficulties.

In everyday life, resilience could look like this, for example: Your primary school-aged child is home alone for a few hours for the first time. At first, they get bored, then hungry, and finally scared. Eventually, they can't stand being alone anymore and call you. But instead of immediately coming home, you can look for solutions together. What can your child do to pass the time? Is there a snack somewhere for a little hunger? The mini-crisis is quickly overcome, and the next time your child is home alone, they can remember these strategies and use them independently.

6 RESILIENCE FACTORS AND 6 EXERCISES FOR STRONG CHILDREN

As always in psychology, the concept of resilience can be better understood if it is broken down into its individual parts. To this end, researchers at the University of Freiburg have defined six resilience factors. [1] [1] Resilience factors: University of Freiburg (2020): Center for Child and Youth Research   Below, we explain these building blocks of resilience. We have also developed an exercise for you and your child for each resilience factor.

1. Self-awareness

Emotions and thoughts can overwhelm us like a herd of buffalo. However, they also tell us what is important to us in life, and are therefore a valuable tool for self-reflection. 

To strengthen our awareness of our feelings, mindfulness exercises are a good option. After all, mindfulness means observing your own thoughts and feelings. Physical sensations are the easiest to observe and are therefore very good for getting started with self-awareness.

Stand together with your child facing the wall. Touch it with both palms and feel what the wall feels like. Rub your hands up and down the wall ten times. How do your hands feel when you take them off the wall?

2. Self-regulation

When your child is sitting in an exam or waiting alone at home for you to return, the herd of buffalo in their inner emotional world doesn't just want to be observed, but also tamed. To do this, your child needs strategies to regulate their emotions or to seek comfort and encouragement from others. 

Let your child draw on a piece of paper: rain clouds on the left side, the sun on the right side, connected by a rainbow. Now have them draw or write in the clouds what makes them feel bad, scared, or angry. On the sunny side, they can put all the beautiful things that make them feel really good. Ask your child: “How can you get these feel-good things when you’re feeling down?” Write or draw the answer in the rainbow. 

3. Self-efficacy

Does your child sometimes say they were just lucky when they did something great? Or do they never dare to take on difficult tasks and prefer to stay on the sidelines? Then it’s high time to show your child what they can achieve all on their own! 

Your child should give themselves a compliment. Have them (every now and then) write a note for each thing they like about themselves or they did well. Then collect these notes in a secret box (e.g., a shoebox). When your child is feeling sad, they can reach into this box and remind themselves how great they are.

You can do a lot if you only believe in yourself enough.

– Friedrich von Humboldt

4. Social skills

At the latest when your child starts daycare or school, one of the biggest challenges begins: dealing with many new people. As they go through school, academic pressure and competitive thinking make these social interactions even more complex. Empathy, conflict resolution, and assertiveness are the oil that makes interacting with other people as smooth as possible.

Let your child read a story, or read one to them. Studies have shown that the time-tested practice of reading is one of the best ways to train empathy. [2] [2] Reading as Empathy Training: Kidd/Castano (2013): Reading Literary Fiction Improves Theory of Mind   Through stories, children learn how to deal with problems they haven't experienced themselves yet. The different characters also help them explore the world from the safety of their bed.

By the way, we believe so strongly in the transformative power of stories that we have written short stories specifically for The 6-Minute-Diary for Kids :

5. Stress management

Even though your child probably doesn't have to work overtime or have nerve-wracking discussions with bosses yet, they still experience stress. After all, stress means having too few skills, strength, and resources to cope with one or more challenges at the same time. If your child, for example, has to give a presentation to the class, was teased by the other children at recess, and on top of that has a toothache, they can become overwhelmed by the cumulative effect of these stressors. Breathing exercises are particularly suitable for quickly calming the body and mind again, as they are always accessible and easy to learn.

Practice breathing evenly with your child: First breathe in through your belly for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, and hold your breath for four seconds. Repeat this rhythm four times in total. The next time your child experiences stress, remind them of this 4x4 breathing exercise. By the way, it also works over the phone!

The art of living consists for the best part of resilience.

– Alain de Botton

6. Problem-solving skills

No problem is so big that it cannot be solved! This belief may reach its limits when your child eventually learns about climate change. But above all, it is first and foremost about what your child thinks about themselves, their abilities, and their self-efficacy in this world. And that is where beliefs come into play. And the more helpful they are, the better. For your child to see problems as opportunities in disguise, they need a good dose of creativity to find new solutions in every situation. 

Exercise: The Game of Life (from the 6-Minute-Diary for Kids)

Let your child draw a picture they like. No matter what, the main thing is that they enjoy it! Then have them take another pen and scribble over the picture. It should become as ugly as possible. Then challenge them to take a few more minutes to make something beautiful out of the scribble again. But without an eraser! Afterwards, you can explain to your child that life is sometimes just like that. Sometimes you have something very beautiful and are completely happy. But sometimes the beautiful thing breaks and makes you sad. Nevertheless, with creativity and a little perseverance, you can always make the best of a bad situation.

RESILIENCE FOR YOUNG AND OLD

Resilience is not a destination, but a journey. As adults, we can also become a little more resilient every day by learning to reflect and grow beyond ourselves. So don't just watch your child do the exercises, but join in too! :-) In the 6-Minute-Diary for Kids there are many more exercises that help your child strengthen their self-image, positivity, and mental health. And if you want, you can even do them together :-) 

Human resilience is like bamboo – 

it is far more flexible than you would think at first glance. 

– Jodi Picoult

If you are looking for more good ideas for dealing with school stress, we have 4 more concrete tips for you here

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This post is by Amelie Haupt. Thanks to her studies in business psychology, she is the "Psycho-Aunt" of the 6-Minuten-Verlag. She likes her texts, like her life: structured. She needs it too when she is on the road again as a digital nomad.

Sources:

[1] Resilience factors: University of Freiburg (2020): Center for Child and Youth Research 

[2] Reading as Empathy Training: Kidd/Castano (2013): Reading Literary Fiction Improves Theory of Mind