2 Exercises for Self-Reflecting on Values

Our values are at the very core of our personality. They influence the career we choose, the people we feel connected to, and even how we dress and what we eat. When we do not act in accordance with our values, we are dissatisfied with ourselves or do things we may later regret.

Imagine you had the coolest job in the world: tasks that excite you, genuine friendships with your colleagues, a good salary, and free lunch every day. Then it turns out that your company is involved in a bribery scandal and has destroyed the habitat of adorable baby koalas. Would you still be able to go to work with carefree joy?

When we know our values, it is not only easier for us to make decisions [1] [1] Making Better Decisions: Mark Manson: 5 Principles for Making Better Decisions , but our actions will also make us happier in the long run [2] [2] Values Make Us Happy: Mark Manson: 3 Ways to Be Happy . That is why we are now giving you two exercises to reflect on your values.

Exercise 1: Let Your Actions Speak

You would probably claim that you care about the environment (baby koalas included), your health, and, of course, world peace. But is that also evident in your actions [3] [3] You Are What You Value: Mark Manson: “Who the Fuck Am I?”: The Ultimate Guide to Personal Values ? As the philosopher Hegel said: “The truth of an intention is the deed.” So let’s look at what you do to infer your values.

First, look at this list of values to get an idea of what values are out there. This list is far from complete, and you are welcome to add to it as you wish.

Now question the big and small decisions you have made in your life. Ask yourself: What value was behind your decision? Answer this question for one or two of the following situations:

• What clothes did you choose this morning? Which item went back on the hanger?
• What did you have for lunch today? What did you give up?
• What career did you choose, and why?
• What career path would have appealed to you as well? Why did you choose against it?
• What trips have you taken? Which ones have you not?
• How often do you meet up with friends? Why do you cancel a meeting?
• What do you find difficult to give up, even if it causes an argument with your partner?
• ...

Example: I chose sweatpants this morning because they are more comfortable (Comfort) and my employer doesn't mind them (Freedom). I chose against normal jeans (and thus against Conformity)

As you can see, you can keep asking these questions indefinitely. By asking why about all your decisions, big and small, you define your values. However, there's a small pitfall. What if we also do things to meet the expectations of others or because we believe we have no other choice? For example, what if we pretend that we don't care about baby koalas at all so as not to jeopardize the chance of a promotion? These are usually the decisions we regret or wish things had turned out differently even today. In these cases, think about which of your values were violated and how you would have preferred to act.

Even if stirring up the past causes you a very negative feeling at first, it will really help you get on the trail of your true values. When you recognise your values clearly, you’ll be able to stand confidently by your decisions in the future – and that will feel damn good.  

Exercise 2: What Are You Grateful For?

Have you ever noticed that the expression appreciate something literally reveals our values? An excellent dataset for all the things you appreciate in your life is gratitude journals. If you don't keep a diary like this, take a moment and write down 5 things you have been grateful for in recent days and 5 things you are generally grateful for in your life. This will be your “data set.”

Ask yourself with each entry:

• Why do you feel grateful for this?
• What value is behind your reasoning?

Then write one or more values next to each of your entries. Remember that only your subjective assessment counts. There’s no objectively right answer. Two people could do the same thing but be motivated by two completely different values. For example, if you look at the orchid on your windowsill, it may be the value of Aesthetics that this flower appeals to in you. For someone else, the same flower may stand for the value of Nature or even Harmony. 

Is gratitude too abstract an idea for you? Then check out this blog post !

The Map of Your Values

Perhaps you are at the very beginning of your journey of self-discovery, or perhaps you are already clear about your values. In any case, your priorities will shift over the course of your life, and thus your values may also be reordered. Let's take a snapshot, therefore. Grab a blank sheet of paper and write the values that have repeatedly appeared in your answers in large letters in the centre. Create a map of your personal values with them.

Whether it's joie de vivre, achievement, or passion: What are your three most important values? In the comments, you'll find my very personal top 3 values. I warmly invite you to share your most important values with me and the other readers :-).

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This post is by Amelie Haupt. Thanks to her studies in business psychology, she is the “Psycho-Aunt” of the 6-Minuten-Verlag. Like her texts, her life is structured. She needs it when she is on the road again as a digital nomad. 

Sources:

[1] Making Better Decisions: Mark Manson: 5 Principles for Making Better Decisions

[2] Values Make Us Happy: Mark Manson: 3 Ways to Be Happy

[3] You Are What You Value: Mark Manson: “Who the Fuck Am I?”: The Ultimate Guide to Personal Values