The 12 Best Books for More Self-Love

Do you often work late into the night because you believe you'll only be accepted once you achieve a certain status? Do you sometimes feel like a disappointment? And do you keep your appointments even when you're not feeling well, just so no one will think negatively of you? If any of this sounds familiar, you may lack self-love.

But don't worry: You can change that! There are countless books that can help you improve your relationship with yourself. We present our twelve favourite books that will inspire you, open your eyes, and offer many practical tips for more self-love.

One more thing: This article contains no paid advertising. The links lead to the online bookstore Book 7 (unless the books are not available there), which donates part of its profits to sustainable and social projects. So we don't make any money – except from book tip number four ;-) But let's get started! 

1. BRENÉ BROWN: THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION

No matter how much we fear change, the question we ultimately have to answer is this: What is the greater risk? Letting go of what people think or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am? – Brené Brown

Do you sometimes fear making a mistake in relationships so much that you're no longer living in the moment? Do you prefer to keep your feelings to yourself so as not to show any weakness? Are your best friends chocolate, champagne, and shopping? Brené Brown knows this problem all too well. The American lecturer and bestselling author has spent decades researching topics such as shame and vulnerability – and was herself so perfectionistic that she developed addictions and fell into a severe life crisis. In her book published in 2018, she processes her findings and concludes: Perfectionism does not connect us; it alienates us from ourselves and from our fellow human beings. In the book, which has sold 1.5 million copies in the United States alone, Brené Brown gives you ten steps to lower your high standards and show yourself more empathy.

This book is for you if:

• you are perfectionistic and want to learn how to push yourself less
• you often feel unloved by others and want to stop constantly comparing yourself
• you know Brené Brown's world-famous TED Talk "The Power of Vulnerability"" and want to read more by her

Please note: Book 7, "The Gifts of Imperfection," is currently not available. In this case, it's worth visiting your trusted bookstore. You can easily order your copy there – if it's not already in stock.

2. GARY JOHN BISHOP: UNFUCK YOURSELF: GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND INTO LIFE!

As long as you stare transfixed at your circumstances and do everything you can to change them, you'll keep coming back to the same result. No energy, no joy, no zest for life. – Gary John Bishop

If you find it difficult to make decisions, Gary John Bishop's "Unfuck Yourself" is just the right motivational kick! The subtitle could also be "Get out of the victim role and into action," because that is exactly what the leading expert on personal development wants to achieve with his 2017 bestseller. It's okay to make wrong decisions or occasionally offend someone. What's not okay is avoiding important decisions and blaming others for your own stagnation. You can be sure: With this book, you'll make the right decision in any case!

This book is for you if:

• you struggle with decisions and want to learn to take more responsibility for your actions 
• you fear conflict and finally want to get out of your diplomat role
• you are generally interested in personal development and are a fan of concise, short statements

3. VEIT LINDAU: MARRY YOURSELF

Don't let the world drive you crazy. There is a place in you … there you will find the answer to all your questions. – Veit Lindau

Don't worry! Even if you don't want to get married, you can turn your life around with Veit Lindau's book. The teacher, speaker, and author advocates throwing the old concept of the better half overboard. In his 2013 bestseller, the expert on integral self-development charmingly shows how you can strengthen your self-esteem. Through many practical exercises, you learn to seek true love within yourself instead of depending on the approval of others. Why on earth would you need another person to feel complete?

This book is for you if:

• you find it difficult to be alone with yourself and believe you are worth less without a partnership
• you often criticise yourself and seek validation from other people
• you want to take your first step into the world of self-love and apply clear, simple strategies to do so 

4. DOMINIK SPENST: THE 6-MINUTE DIARY

Because it is not only the first of now three 6-Minute-Journals® and the world's most popular mindfulness diary, it simply cannot be missing from this list: With the 6-Minute-Diary, Dominik Spenst, author and founder of the 6-Minuten-Verlag,invites you to listen into yourself for 2 x 3 minutes a day through targeted self-reflection. By writing down things that make you happy every day, all the way to the best moment of the day, you learn thanks to scientifically sound and proven practices to focus on the good in your life. Once consciously aware, you automatically start bringing more of it into your life. The worldwide bestseller is thus a very practical tool for more self-care, mindfulness, and self-love, with which you can very quickly move from theory to action.

This book is for you if:

• you want to develop good habits that don't cost you much time and are still effective for life
• you are interested in the science behind gratitude and mindfulness exercises, but above all, you finally want to get into action
• you follow our newsletter, our blog or Instagram accountand finally want to get to know the book with which it all began

5. NICOLE LEPERA: HEAL.YOURSELF.

[T]o change ourselves, we must become aware of the behavioural and thinking patterns that were shaped by the people who were or are most important to us. – Nicole LePera

Dr. Nicole LePera helps millions of people worldwide treat themselves with more love through her blogs, videos, and since 2021, also with her book “Heal.Yourself.” The holistic psychologist takes a holistic approach in her work, connecting body, soul, and mind. In the book she talks about trauma and how you can overcome it. Her idea: Only if you face old pain can you eventually let go of it and break unhealthy patterns. Confronting small and large injuries is painful, and the book is quite extensive with 431 pages. Measured against all the years you have suffered and could still suffer, working with this important book is easy, isn't it?

This book is for you if:

• you often feel like you're treading water and want to break old patterns
• you want to process painful or traumatic (childhood) experiences that have negatively affected your self-image
• you have physical complaints whose causes are unclear, and you want to try alternative therapy approaches

6. JULIA KRISTINA: DRIVE YOUR OWN DARN BUS!: HOW TO GET MENTALLY STRONG AND INTO THE DRIVER'S SEAT OF YOUR LIFE

We all think something is wrong with us – so either we're all right, or we're all wrong. Either way: We'll do it together! – Julia Kristina

Do you find it hard to stand up for yourself in relationships? Do you often fall short of your potential at work? And do you actually know why? Canadian online coach Julia Kristina clearly, warmly and systematically gets to the heart of what we can usually only guess at in her first book. With “Drive Your Own Darn Bus!”, which is being published in German in March 2022, the psychologist describes how you can finally take responsibility for your life and recognise yourself as the driver. Whether you struggle with anxiety, are plagued by guilt, or want to free yourself from negative thought spirals – in this book you will find vivid examples and practical, well-founded tips for more self-love. This way, your life will become an exciting road movie in which you finally play the leading role!

This book is for you if:

• you overthink everything instead of simply taking action and want to learn how to regulate your negative emotions and thoughts
• you want to improve negative beliefs about yourself in a realistic, step-by-step way
• you enjoy reading English-language books about psychology and personal development

7. STEFANIE STAHL: SO BIN ICH EBEN

[D]eveloping a typology helps people understand each other better; it is psychologically sound, highly interesting and: it’s fun! – Stefanie Stahl

Stefanie Stahl is a real star in the German-language self-help market. Her books are featured on numerous top lists – and rightly so! With personal anecdotes and many examples from her everyday practice, the bestselling author and psychotherapist has been successfully helping us for years to better understand our relationship patterns and accept ourselves more. In “So bin ich eben,” published in 2005, she describes four psychological dimensions and 16 character types based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). With a 40-question personality test, you can find out which type you are and what your strengths are. The accompanying “user manuals” give you the necessary input on what to pay attention to when dealing with yourself and others.

This book is for you if:

• you find personality tests fascinating and want to learn more about the different character traits
• you want to get to know yourself better so that you can react more calmly in everyday (relationship) situations
• you have already read books by Stefanie Stahl and are a huge fan of hers

8. DR. KRISTIN NEFF: SELF-COMPASSION – HOW WE MAKE PEACE WITH OUR WEAKNESSES AND BECOME OUR OWN BEST FRIEND

There is almost no one we treat as badly as we treat ourselves. – Dr. Kristin Neff

Have you given your inner critic another reason to really tear you down today? Many of us lack self-compassion. Instead of forgiving ourselves for slips, we judge ourselves extremely harshly – and feel even worse because of it. With the help of Dr. Kristin Neff, you can finally break free from this negative spiral. The American professor has long been researching the positive effects of being lenient and treating ourselves like a friend. Her conclusion: You not only practise self-love, you can also prevent burnout or depression and strengthen your relationships. Tell that to your inner critic! That’s one thing he probably won’t be able to complain about for a change. 

This book is for you if:

• you often feel like you’re not enough and finally want to learn how to lower your expectations of yourself
• you quickly get caught in negative thoughts and are looking for techniques to steer them in a positive direction
• you know someone who is very self-critical and want to give them this book as a feel-good gift

9. DON MIGUEL RUIZ: THE MASTERY OF LOVE

It is not death that is our greatest fear; our greatest fear is the risk of living – the risk of being alive and expressing who we really are. – Don Miguel Ruiz

We have a hot relationship tip for you! No, it’s not about role-playing or polygamy, but about “The Mastery of Love.” The Mexican bestselling author Don Miguel Ruiz knows: those who struggle with themselves often project their desire for approval onto their own partner – and thus enter into an unhealthy dependency. More self-love brings us back to equal footing and takes a lot of pressure off the relationship. Sounds too simple? Judging by the enthusiastic reviews, the book has already helped numerous people improve their relationship with themselves and others. We also give it five stars and wholeheartedly recommend this work on the art of becoming happy with yourself! 

This book is for you if:

• you often look for validation in your relationships and want to learn how to pay more attention to yourself
• you struggle with anxiety and guilt and finally want to overcome them
• you believe you are stuck in a toxic relationship and want to understand yourself or your partner better  
  

10. KAMAL RAVIKANT: LOVE YOURSELF, AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT

Life is a series of decisions. And all we can do is make those decisions. – Kamal Ravikant

Whether it’s about your career, relationships, or health: if someone is holding us back on our way up, it’s usually ourselves. If you keep sabotaging yourself with your own patterns, it’s time for Kamal Ravikant’s bestseller! The author and venture capitalist provides you with a series of exercises and meditations that can help you – as he once did – finally break free from stagnation. The basic principle: radical self-love. Kamal Ravikant’s energetic, uncompromisingly honest writing style makes him a motivational coach who won’t accept any excuses.

This book is for you if:

• you are looking for practical exercises to live a little more self-love every day
• you’ve had enough of stagnation and are just waiting for the right coach  
• you have been through a life crisis like the author has, or are going through one now, and want to draw motivation from biographies like his

11. DR. KATHARINA TEMPEL: GIVE YOURSELF THE LOVE YOU DESERVE

The decision to take yourself seriously can change everything. – Dr. Katharina Tempel

Your colleague can’t keep up with the stack of files, and you jump in to help without hesitation? At home, no one has emptied the dishwasher again, and you – of course – are understanding towards your flatmates? You might see yourself as a good person. But are you also good to yourself? Dr. Katharina Tempel, an expert in positive psychology, would flatly disagree. In the bestselling book by the tireless happiness detective published in 2019, you learn step by step how to be at least as good to yourself as you are to others. Instead of constantly overextending yourself, you’ll soon be taking more bubble baths and asking for help yourself. Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?

This book is for you if:

• you are the only person in your circle whose to-do list never seems to end
• you find it hard to say “no” and want to learn how to better value your own time
• you’ve had enough of constantly denying yourself things and want to bring more fun back into your life

12. VEX KING: GOOD VIBES, GOOD LIFE. HOW SELF-LOVE UNLEASHES YOUR GREATEST POTENTIALT

The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop playing games and putting on a show and invest that energy in your goals and yourself. – Vex King

If anyone has tried a lot of things in search of more joy in life, it’s probably Vex King. For a good 20 years, the London-based author and mind coach with Indian roots has done everything he could to change his limiting beliefs about himself and steer his life in a new direction. Fortunately, Vex King succeeded and decided to share his moving life story and the insights he gained during that time with you. Spiritual and practical, entertaining and touching, his first book gives you something that was missing from his life for a long time: hope and belief in yourself.

This book is for you if

• you come from a difficult background like Vex King or have experienced racism and your self-image has been negatively affected by it
• you are interested in spirituality or meditation and want to live life with more confidence and mindfulness
• you have difficulty setting goals and want to learn techniques to manifest them

Self-love is a process in which you are not alone

Did you see yourself in one of the books? Or do several of them speak to you? Perhaps you also have a book recommendation that we absolutely should know about. Feel free to leave us a comment with your feedback!

No matter where you start: Be patient and be kind to yourself. It’s worth it in every case! And if you need even more motivation or have already exhausted your book budget for this month, you will also find some concise approaches in this post Learning self-love: How does it even work?.

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This article is by Johanna Richter, a freelance writer from Berlin. She has been writing blog posts for the 6-Minuten-Verlag since 2019 or freeing them from nasty typos. Johanna mainly writes, edits, and translates texts for various content marketing agencies, startups, and companies in Germany, the UK, and Switzerland.